Some stuff

So...Life goes on and on and on

Okay so I've decided that every time I hear a Journey song something good happens! And let me just say I've heard journey every day for the past 4 days, and let me say it's been a great week. I met someone pretty damn special :)...finally. I really like him and we have a lot in common - there's never a dull moment. Time spent with him, is time well spent that's for sure. But omg I've been eating out so much I actually have like 2 pimples it's killer but oh well that's life I'm sure it's nothin' a salad and some Clearasil can't fix! And I've been meaning to work out and I'm going to start hopefully I can get some results and stuff!

My Life's Progress so far....is REALLY GOOD. I mean I don't know where this sudden confidence came from but I have it! I'm so confident, and I walk better and taller. I know my worth and that I deserve the best. Despite the things I've done, there's people that have done worse and plus I've forgiven myself so I can finally live in peace. Life is good, and here I am just living it one day at a time and I'm really enjoying my life for the first time ever...I think I'm actually living. Wow...that was a total run-on sentence, but who cares it's my blog no one reads this anyway!

It wasn't love but a moment

Do you know what it's like to love? Do you know what it's like to love someone more and more everyday? And live in this delusional world where you think they feel the same but they don't but you were merely a moment for them. Nothing but a moment. A moment that came and went and was never revisited. Then the person finally decides to tell you that you were a moment. You're there, you're frozen and stuck and humiliated as you feel your heart falling endlessly in your body. It sucks.

I feel like I just realized I was a moment for him. I wasn't anything great, and he was the world to me. I feel like I just reentered the door of pain I thought I had closed. I feel so hurt like my heart is swollen there's hot tears rolling down my face. And hot tears are the ones that have some real emotion, those are the ones that are really coming from inside of me. I'm fighting to be happy right now so bad but I think about how that past 6 months were a lie and how I have to be strangers with the one that was my best friend at one point. It really hurts and gosh all I can do to feel better is write in this blog. And all the things happening with my dad doesn't help, but hey at least the Mavs won? Idk I just feel so sad that things are going this way. I know I'll make it through it's not in me to give up and I'm not giving up but this is how I feel.

Encountering the Men in Black

So I've been feeling much better lately enjoying my life as a single person and what nawt. I feel pretty confident, actually very confident. In fact more confident than ever! I mean I walk straighter and taller and I'm still workin' on my posture but it's definitely better! I made a man drop his cell phone yesterday and by golly he was sexxxxxxxxxxxxy as hell so it's all good :)

yesterday...

I saw the Men in Black and I called Nutsaq a bitch and no one said anything it was beautiful :') don't ask me where I got the balls to do that because "Nigga I don't even know!" <):-D-]--< <---me when i called him a bitch! Well that guy deserved it and well the only bad thing about yesterday was that I saw red pants smoking :O! But you know it was all good because I went to chiptole afterwards and the cashier guy was a fire and had a killer smile ;D!

I also hung out with Tiffani and the whole group! We watched Super 8 which was good but had a terrible ending - it was too rushed and resolved to easily. But the movie reminded me of my media tech days which I totally miss! I remember we'd just record some bullshit and when we'd watch the videos on the computers we were like man that's some good footage and laugh our asses off as we watched. Well I can definitely say life is good right now and that's it.

This week's hand of crap is...

Wow this has been such a crazy week! I mean I can't even begin to start explaining to you how I've been up and then down and then just perfect. I almost feel as though this is wayyyyyyy too real man! The neurons in my brain just can't keep up with this crazy crap! But here I am. Alive, awake, ready to read a book, paint a masterpiece, write the script for my movie, do makeup on a friend and of course get some rum in my system ;D! **Rum is my new fav drink and red wine is second of course, I like to be fancy :)** Bahh side tracked!

So here it is...THE-BREAK UP

Soo we were walking along the yellow brick road and suddenly one of us realized our relationship wasn't in Kansas anymore. So yep he dumped me like a poop in the toilet :T but needless to say me being the girl I cried and was like "omg you're breaking up with me?!" and let me tell you I was so shocked! I never saw it coming ever. I mean I sensed sometimes that he just wasn't that into me anymore but I'm not ashamed to say I think I was totally in denial about it. But now I understand that the more you hold on to something the more you loose grip of it. So hold on loosely and never loose control - lyrics to an REO Speedwagon song btw! But it's true I mean I'm not gonna lie I did the worst thing a girl could do! I totally forced him to go out on a date with me once and it was terrible and I only ended up feeling worse afterwards. But I did however look really hot that day ;D...ahhh sidetracked! So yeah we broke up but you know what I was strong about it! And I knew it was really for the best and I remember taking that deep breath after walking back inside and actually feeling relieved.

I was done. I was through with being sad about my boyfriend not calling me or feeling lonely because I hadn't gotten a booty call in over a month(Oh the horror)! I mean don't get me wrong I cried like a baby the first two days but then suddenly I felt this confidence. I guess you could say I had a moment of self-realization. I came to terms with everything while lying in bed trying to sleep. It's like for the first time ever I understand myself and I understand why the relationship wasn't a relationship and why it's best this way. I even felt happy that it was over and yeah I still love him with everything in me but I am a strong woman and hell yeah I CAN FUCKING DEAL. so yeah I got this. And I'm gonna win my court case too that nigga ain't got nothin' on me! I'm Cha Cha and I'm the best god damn dancer in this town. Good night :]

NEPHCURE WALK